It’s Ok to Not Be Ok


Have you ever…

had ONE thing become the fulcrum to crappy week?

Well, I just did! And this whole time, I had no idea this “thing” had so much control and power over me. By the end of the week, I was running on fumes. Burned out-physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. But for some reason, I couldn’t shake this feeling inside, that something was “off.”

The other day, I confided in a friend, and while I was recapping the week’s events, I was able to pinpoint the exact “thing” that set me off. In hindsight, it was literally the smallest thing—an innocent question a person asked me offended my EGO. 

How did I let that one in, let alone miss it, and suddenly, I found myself relapsing into my old patterns—the guilt, shame, abuse cycle. Aware (now) I was then able to put a stop to it. Looking back, I saw how my reaction to this question had set me off. I had become heightened, and as one who was used to operating in defense mode (all the time), it became exhausting! No wonder I was feeling this way. Six days of being “on” all the time will burn you out. Now, this was just six days, and I couldn’t believe I operated at this level for years! 

Personally, I don’t like repeating myself, especially the same actions, and if you’re anything like me, you probably do too. Sometimes we can’t *see* what we’re going through until we’ve gone through it and if I can help shortcut this process for you, why would I hold back and keep a lesson I learned all to myself—and so I share because I know what it feels like to be stuck and out of control.

Life is always teaching us lessons; we just need to be open to receiving it. 

Here’s what I learned:

  1. Be aware of self-awareness. Self-awareness helps to identify your old and new patterns and shed light on who you are.
  2. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. If you don’t know where you came from, you won’t know where you’re going. We need to be aware of our thoughts, beliefs, actions, which lead to our behaviors, habits, and daily routines. If we drift through life without insight, we lose sight of where we’re going. 
  3. When you start to feel like something’s “off” turn inward and ask yourself questions such as: 
    1. When did I first feel like this?
    2. Where was I? 
    3. Who was I with? 
    4. What was I doing or saying at the time? 
    5. How is it possible to feel this way? 
  4. Talk it out. Have a solid support system. Surround yourself with others who hold space for you just to be you and listen. Sometimes we don’t need someone to “fix or solve” our problems but to listen as we work out our own problems verbally. 
  5. It’s OK not to be OK. Not every day is going to be your best day, and that’s OK. As long as you give each day your best, that’s all you can do.  

When you’ve identified the source, you’re able to address the emotional root and start the healing process. We don’t know what we don’t know, especially when we’re in the pits by ourselves. The way I see it, life is like a rollercoaster. It’s filled with moments that are up and down, high and low, exciting and scary, happy, and sad, but the good thing is, you get to choose how long each moment lasts. We can choose to stay in a down, low, scary, sad place, or we can choose the alternative. Sometimes, it takes riding the full ride to decide when and where we want to get off, and that is OK. 

Years ago, I promised myself always to show up, to be transparent, to keep it real and raw. And not only do I practice what I preach. I call myself out on my own bullshit. If I don’t acknowledge what’s happening, how can I move through it? How can I grow or learn from what I hide? How can I become my best self if I choose to pretend everything is OK?

By shining light on my flaws, mistakes, mishaps, mess-ups, failures, whatever you want to call them, I hope you see some of yourself in my life lessons. I hope to inspire you to do the same. I hope to encourage you to keep moving forward. I hope to empower you to take back your power and create your own story.