When Becoming Feels Like Falling Apart

I’ve been sitting with this thought ever since a recent community call with my inner circle. In the conversation, we were talking about growth and becoming, and one question that’s stuck with me since then is this: what do you actually do when you’re in the middle of it?

I mean the waiting, the trusting, your relationship with God when you don’t understand what He is doing, the growing process, and all the growing pains that come with it, because we talk so much about becoming and transformation, but we don’t always talk about what it actually feels like while it is happening.

When we talk about becoming, we tend to think it has a clear starting line and a clear finish line, like one day you’re the old version of yourself and the next day you’re the new one. We imagine that we will make the decision, do the healing work, learn the lesson, trust God, release whatever needs to be released, and then somehow arrive on the other side as the woman we have been trying to become. What we don’t talk about nearly enough is the in-between, the season where you’re no longer who you were, but you’re not fully living as who you’re becoming yet, and that season can feel a lot less like becoming and a lot more like falling apart.

I’ve been in that season, and in many ways, I am still in it, and I think a lot of you are too.

We keep praying for the outcome.

We want out as quickly as possible, and I understand why, because when something hurts, feels uncertain, or starts pressing against every part of your life, of course you want relief. You want God to change it, fix it, remove it, or show you exactly how to get out of it. You want to feel clear and steady again, and you want to know that everything you are experiencing is leading somewhere, because it is hard to keep trusting a process when you cannot see the outcome.

The problem is that we can become so focused on getting out and getting unstuck that we lose sight of the actual metamorphosis taking place through the day-to-day progress and transformation within us. We keep looking ahead for the big breakthrough, the clear answer, or the moment when everything finally makes sense, and meanwhile, we are already changing. We may not see it while we are inside of it, but then we look back months or years later and realize we became a different person through all of those ordinary days when it felt like nothing was happening.

That is something I have been thinking about a lot, because I know how many times I have asked God to help me get out of something as quickly as possible, but I have not always prayed for increased capacity or the strength to endure the hard season while I was in it. I have prayed for the circumstances to change, for the pressure to lift, for the answer to come, and for the next season to begin, but I have not always asked God what He is trying to develop within me while I am waiting.

Or how much patience He was trying to grow within me, because sometimes the greatest transformation isn’t that our circumstances change, it’s that we begin responding to them differently than we would have six months or a year ago.

Maybe the breakthrough isn’t that your circumstances change. Maybe it’s that you do.

There is nothing wrong with asking God for relief, healing, provision, restoration, direction, or deliverance. Those prayers are real, honest, and necessary, but I also wonder how much of the growth happens when the prayer becomes, “God, give me the capacity to carry what this season requires of me. Give me the strength to stay close to You while I am walking through it. Help me see what You are rebuilding, redefining, and refining within me, even when it feels like everything I once knew is coming apart.”

We keep looking at everyone else’s ending.

We live by mantras like, “I can do hard things,” but when the hard things actually happen, we kick, scream, cry, and sometimes respond like little children throwing a tantrum, because the hard is not simply difficult or inconvenient. The hard can feel like it is compressing, depressing, and suppressing you, snuffing out the life and light within you and pulling you into a darkness where you cannot tell whether you are losing yourself or being rebuilt into someone new.

I think that is part of why becoming can feel like falling apart, because we do not always recognize transformation while it is happening. Sometimes all we can see is what is ending, what is changing, what no longer works, what we can no longer carry, and what no longer feels like us. We cannot yet see the woman being formed underneath all of it, so we assume something has gone wrong when we may actually be standing in the middle of the work.

At the same time, we want instant, microwave results. We see other people living, doing, or being the person and life we aspire to and desire for ourselves, and we see where they are standing now, without always seeing what it took for them to actually get there.

There is a cost to becoming, and that does not mean the outcome is not worth it. It simply means the process usually asks something of us before it reveals what it has been creating within us.

Where our strength really comes from.

This is also why I think we have to be careful with the way the world sells the idea that you can do hard things, because yes, you can do hard things, and I believe we are far more capable than we often give ourselves credit for, but when the entire message becomes about what you can do through your own effort, power, mindset, discipline, or strength, all of the pressure gets placed back onto you.

Eventually, that kind of strength can make the fight feel futile, because there are things we cannot heal, carry, change, or overcome through our human strength alone.

That is why Philippians 4:13 matters so much when it says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

It is not simply telling us that we are powerful enough to do anything we decide to do. It is reminding us where the strength comes from when our own strength is gone.

It is through Christ that we receive the strength, courage, confidence, wisdom, and endurance to keep going through the things that feel impossible, and Matthew 19:26 says, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God, everything is possible.”

The world will sell and tell you all the things you can do for yourself, through yourself, and by yourself, but when you have God within you, the question changes. It is no longer about proving that you can handle everything alone. It becomes about trusting that through Him, you can continue walking, even when you are tired, confused, grieving, waiting, or uncertain about what comes next.

Keep walking.

I am learning that the in-between is not a problem I can rush through or solve with the right strategy. It is a process that requires trust, and the discomfort is not always a sign that I am off track.

Maybe this season feels like falling apart because something within you is coming apart, and maybe that is part of the rebuilding. Maybe the old ways of surviving, proving, pushing, performing, and holding everything together have reached their limit, and God is using this season to increase your capacity in a different way, one rooted in faith, dependence, honesty, strength, and a deeper relationship with Him.

And this is exactly why I created Becoming The Confident Woman, because I know what it is like to come across something that names exactly where you are, feel seen and understood for a moment, and then return to everyday life with all of the same questions still sitting there.

Becoming The Confident Woman is an eight-week private audio journey with a companion workbook that you can move through in your own time. I created it to help you understand where you are, recognize the identity you have outgrown, and begin making decisions from the woman God is calling you to become.

If you know this is where you are, and you’re ready to keep walking through this season instead of returning to the same patterns, you can learn more about ​Becoming The Confident Woman​.

If you’re still trying to understand where you are in your becoming journey, start with the free ​Becoming Quiz​. In just a few minutes, it will help you identify the season you’re in and point you toward the next step that makes the most sense for you.

You may not be able to see the full transformation while you are living through the ordinary days of waiting and trusting, but one day you may look back and realize that the woman you were praying to become was being formed through every day you thought nothing was changing.

The in-between is not wasted time. It is where the becoming actually happens.

Until next week, take care, and God bless.

XO,